Royally fucked? Suppose thats the best way.

Sometimes, I feel like I have royally fucked myself in the asshole. I have no idea what I want out of life, what kind of job I want, what my passions are (passion is - I'd take just one!) and where to begin. I love designer labels - fancier things in life. Expensive things. I would LOVE to do PR in that type of biz. But I'm a realist (sometimes) and I've come to the realization that College Station, TX is the not exactly the hub of high fashion (not just clothes, accessories etc, but also home design etc). Overall, the bubble of life I want to lead is being a mother. I think. I mean, I don't really know because I've never done it. However, I do know that I love family. I love all my family, even if we don't speak a lot, see each other a lot or even have a lot in common. I love family. Part of my dream is to be similar to my Mamaw - the best grandmother ever. Howeeeever, in the meantime I want to find something fulfulling. Don't even MENTION a word about teaching. Seriously, stop right there. But i'd like to find something where I can help people, get to KNOW people and learn from people. In the mean time, I'm working on myself - my listening abilities (or lack thereof) over all people skills and how to stay genuine to myself. That is a real challenge these days. When I find my niche here - money or no money - I'm going to get my tattoo. I hate the word tattoo because it has such a stigma to it but I can promise the ink going into my skin is releasing pain and suffering I have felt since April 19.