My Reality - SERIOUSLY?!

It turns out my pregnancy is ectopic - due to my blood work and results from the pathologist. This was surprising, but it was never ruled out.

Monday afternoon after getting bloodwork, I get a phone call from my doctor telling me she wants to treat my pregnancy as an ectopic one. Everything she said made sense and I agreed. The treatment is two injections of a chemotherapy drug. I would go back to the hospital, get the injections and stay for observation. Needless to say, I headed back to the hospital right away. I want to get this over with.

When we get there, we have issues checking in and finding my doctors orders and once we finally get to where we need to bed - they can't make the shot at the hospital i'm at because their "hood" is getting maintenanced in their pharmacy so it would be at least 10PM before the injection even got to the hospital (its about 6pm while this going on). The nurses say I can wait, or come back in the morning. My doctor calls back and says she doesn't want me leaving the hospital without getting the injections. We wanted to stay anyways - but THAT made me nervous.

So the injections come - along with like a 15 page report on all the things that could go wrong and the side effects. I skimmed it and threw it at Lawrence and told him not to let me read anymore information. Once I signed my life away, they came in with the injections - hazmat (SP??) suits and all. The injections weren't bad, it was just the whole idea that was scary.

I was a trooper for the first 12 hours. I was SO ready to leave the hospital that I'm pretty sure I convinced myself I felt fine. I kinda did at the time. However, the next morning I woke up I was not so fine. Horrible abdominal pain, cramping, constipation, trapped gas, sharp gas pains. LOVELY THINGS to be happening! They let me know that if i had stabbing or sharp pains to go to the ER because that could mean the ectopic pregnancy ruptured and I could die from that. So every pain I felt I really thought I was going to die in 5 hours.

Thank God, I didn't die. My pain lasted about 4 days (most peoples lasts weeks WTF - see I told ya'll i'm a tough cookie!) and now most of my pain is gone. My abdomen is sore, i feel bloated and still exhausted. But after the past week I will take these symptoms with a happy smile! I had bloodwork taken on Friday, will go again on Monday to make sure my levels are lowering as they should. If not, I will get another lovely toxic round of injections.

I'm so nervous about everything. I haven't had time to properly grieve our loss and I know that's coming and now i'm scared for that! I do want kids, however, I don't know if I can go through this again. If anyone asks me when we plan on having kids or when I want to get pregnant next I will probably go certifiable insane - thats you're warning :)

I'm slowly starting to at least feel like myself - I think.

I still can't believe this has happened to us and I'm sad. I'm also angry. But I hope each day gets a little easier, as it has so far. AND MY MOTHERF-ING HORMONES BETTER GO DOWN! Haha :) Please just something medically that will go my way!